Murder in the Shire
by Dil Perians Merens
Summary: What happens when a murder happens in the Shire? Who's to blame? RR if you want to know. Light humor in this as well


It was a warm summer night in the Great Smials all was peaceful until the next morning a loud shriek was heard throughout the large home. The scream came from no other than Pimpernel, Nel to all her friends, Took who had awoken to find her husband of two years this day dead next to her. Many said it was best to die in one's sleep, but this was awful. The weapon that had killed him was a letter opener right through his heart. Soon Nel's room was filled with worried family members all in agony for the event that happened was absolutely gruesome. Nel found all of her family around her; her mother and father and two sisters, Pearl and Pervinca. Her brother, Pippin, wasn't there because he was spending this week with their cousin Merry in Buckland. Sorrow filled the smial because hobbits were naturally peaceful and no one could think of who the killer may be. He or she was still out there, able to kill again. Everyone in the family was asked about their whereabouts the night before, and everyone was out doing something or visiting relatives. The only one not yet question was Peregrin Tooks, known as Pippin to everyone. The sheriffs arrived at Brandy Hall and knocked on the door which was greeted by the master of Brandy Hall, Saradoc Brandybuck, known as Scattergold for some queer reason.

"May I help you?" asked Scattergold.

"Yes, we must speak with your nephew. A terrible crime has been committed back in Tookland." said one of the sheriffs.

"Pippin couldn't have done anything of the sort, he was here with my son, Meriadoc." replied the Master of Brandy Hall.

"We just need to talk to him sir." said the other sheriff.

"You'll have to come back later; he's off with my son Merry." said Scattergold

"You just said your son's name was Meriadoc." said the first sheriff.

"Sorry, his nickname is Merry. You'll have to come back later when he returns." replied Scattergold.

"We'll be back sir." said both sheriffs in unison.

Merry and Pippin were walking throughout Buckland talking and laughing the entire way there. They decided to go through Farmer Maggot's crops again, just because they were hungry and they remembered this was about the time of the year when the mushrooms were at their best. They started picking the mushrooms and got to about thirty when they could see the farmer with is pitchfork. They ran so fast that they forgot about the small cliff at the outskirts of the farm and tumbled down, only to find more mushrooms.

"We always forget about that cliff, Merry." said Pippin.

"You're so right Pippin. Why do we always forget?" asked Merry

"It seems we always get more mushrooms at least." said Pippin.

"We'd better get back to Brandy Hall Pippin." Merry stated.

"No not yet Merry. Can't we wait a little bit longer? This sunset looks like it will be a good one to see from the river." replied the younger.

"My father said to be back before sunset Pip. We have to go now, or we'll both be in trouble." said Merry.

"Either way I'll be in trouble." whispered Pippin.

"What was that Pippin?" asked Merry.

"Nothing Merry. I was just thinking." stated Pippin.

"I thought you said either way you'll be in trouble." said Merry.

"I snuck out last night." said Pippin.

"To do what?" asked Merry.

"Something I shouldn't have done." said Pippin.

"Which was what?" asked Merry.

"I was at my girlfriend's house, and we did some um how should I say this, um stuff." said Pippin.

"Pippin, you did it before I even did?" asked Merry.

"Yes, I guess I'm just better looking that you are." chuckled Pippin. "Last one to Brandy Hall cleans stables tonight." said Pippin as he took off.

"You cheater!" yelled Merry as he took off as well, but Pippin had a great lead on him, but he was catching up to him. The race was finally over, Merry had won stable cleaning tonight. "That wasn't even fair Pippin. You got a head start."

"Not my problem. Have fun cleaning." said Pippin as he handed Merry a rake.

"You little son of a pig." said Merry.

"See you later, I smell a pie in the kitchen." said Pippin as he ran off.

Merry threw the rake down and "accidentally" broke it. "Oops." said Merry as he headed for the kitchen as well, only to find Pippin wasn't there, but in the hallway. He was being escorted out of the hall by two sheriffs.

"I didn't do it!" yelled Pippin.

"You're the only one without an alibi, so we have to take you in for questioning." said one of the sheriffs.

"I'll tell you right now, I was here the entire night even ask my cousin Merry." said Pippin.

"We'll have to question him later." said the other sheriff. After about an hour of riding in the back of the cart he was brought into a different room for questioning. "Now, where were you last night?"

"I already told you, I was in Buckland the entire night. It's not like I can just fly to Tookland and back before morning." said Pippin.

"Explain why we found the window open where you and your cousin were sleeping with a set of footprints leading away." said the sheriff.

"Ok, so I did sneak out, but it wasn't to do anything you're thinking I did. Speaking of which, what am I being accused of?" asked Pippin.

"Your sister's husband was murdered last night. From what your family has told us it seems your relationship with him has been rocky."

"You have got to be kidding me!" yelled Pippin.

"Right now you are the prime suspect in this case. You'll have to stay here for a week while we investigate this." said the sheriff.

"A week? I have to see my sister, I can't stay in here for a week!" yelled an outraged Pippin.

"Sorry, but it's our policy." said the sheriff as he escorted him into one of the cells.

Pippin had been in his cell for about three hours when Merry came to visit him.

"You shouldn't have to be locked up like this Pip, you're innocent." said Merry.

"They say that if they find me guilty, I will be hanged." said Pippin.

"It's ok, you're innocent, you won't die." said Merry.

"Maybe I do deserve to die." replied Pippin.

"What do you mean?" asked Merry.

"I confess, I did do it. I stabbed him right through the heart with a letter opener. It was a great anniversary present to him, don't you think so?" asked Pippin.

"Why did you do this Pippin?" asked Merry.

"He didn't deserve my sister. I saw him at the bars several times, always flirting with the other girls. After several times I got sick of it, I came up with a plan to kill him. He deserved to die for showing infidelity towards my sister, I had to protect her somehow and this is the way to do it. I know my family, including you, will hate me, but it was worth it. This would be a much better way for my sister's heart to be broken than if she ever caught him like I did several times." said Pippin.

"Damnit Pippin! I never thought you could ever do something this evil to someone you love." said Merry.

"Merry, can you do me a favor and get my family? I want to tell them myself." said Pippin.

"I'll do that Pippin, but not for you. I'm doing this for them." said Merry as he stormed away with tears in his eyes.

A few hours later Pippin's family had arrived so he could make his confession.

"Nel, I know who killed your husband." said Pippin.

"Who committed this horrible crime? Whoever did it will certainly pay for this." said a teary Nel.

"I did it. I did it only to help you my dear sister. I realize I will have to lose my life for this, but I only did it to protect you." said Pippin.

"How could you do something like this Pip? I loved him and now you've completely shattered my heart." said Nel.

"I only did it to protect you Nel. He was going to leave you for another woman, and I wasn't going to have that happen. I killed him, and I killed the other woman. Her body is now rotting in the Brandywine River." said Pippin.

"I always suspected something was going on." said Pearl.

"He was going to leave me?" asked Nel.

"I'm afraid so, and I wasn't going to have that happen my dear sweet sister. Do you all hate me for doing this?" asked Pippin.

"I don't know. How do we know that you haven't gone insane?" asked Pervinca.

"I'm nowhere near insane." said Pippin.

"I think you've had enough time for talking now Pip. I'll be back in a few hours." said Merry.

"I'll see you in a few hours Merry. Bye everyone." said Pippin. Those few hours went by very fast, considering he took a nap the entire time.

"Wake up Pippin." whispered Merry.

"Huh?" asked Pippin.

"I'm here to break you out." said Merry.

"The keys are over there." whispered Pippin.

"Yes Pip, I know. I've been watching them." said Merry.

After a few minutes Pippin was free and the two cousins were running at a fast pace, not saying anything until they were safe.

"Why didn't you wait for me Pip?! We were supposed to kill him together to throw the sheriffs off!" yelled Merry.

"I'm sorry Merry. I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn't." said Pippin.

"You didn't even leave the slut for me." said Merry.

"You have to agree we came up with some pretty good codes, like I was at my girlfriend's house. Whoever would have thought I was at my girlfriend's house meant I killed someone." said Pippin.

"Not so loud Pippin; someone might hear us." said Merry.

"Know anyone else who we should kill?" asked Pippin

"Hmm, how about Lotho and Lobelia Sackville-Baggins?" asked Merry.

"Great idea cousin. I'll let you kill the two of them." said Pippin.

"Are you sure you don't want to help?" asked Merry.

"I'm afraid I can't. I'd better get back to my jail cell before anyone gets suspicious." replied Pippin.

"Aye," Merry replied. "I'd better get back to Buckland anyways, to make plans for our next murder."

"Do you think this is wrong, going around killing?" questioned Pippin.

"No, every one of our victims deserved what they got." whispered Merry.

"What happens if we get caught and we are tried for murder? We would both be hanged and our families would watch in horror, and yet disgust, knowing what we did." stated Pippin.

"You mean what if you get caught, right? Remember I'm innocent, I've never killed anything, save a fly or two." said Merry with his arms crossed across his chest.

"You killed my cat Merry. Do you remember that?" asked Pippin.

"No, your cat killed itself. It's not my fault it ran under the cart." replied Merry.

"I've got to get back. Here's my other letter-opener have fun and don't get caught." said Pippin as he ran back.

He awoke the next morning by the sheriff with a tap on the shoulder. "You can go now. You're innocent." said the shiriff.

"I've only been telling you this for the entire time." muttered Pippin.

"We are very sorry. Hopefully we'll get the real suspect."

"Look at all this weight I've lost, it's embarrassing." said Pippin.

"You can gain it all back once you get home."

"how did you know I was innocent?" questioned Pippin.

"There was another murder, two others were killed with an identical letter opener." replied the shiriff.

What will happen next? Will they get caught? Submit a review and find out, I need at least five reviews before I continue.


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